


Forever Lost

by angelholme



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Meta, kind of pointless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 11:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5827648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelholme/pseuds/angelholme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luna summons a meeting of The Lost Boys And Girls</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever Lost

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer**
> 
> Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood all belong to JK Rowling.
> 
> All other films, shows and works mentioned belong to their owners.
> 
> _Notes_
> 
> This entire thing literally occurred to me while I was stuck in traffic on the way to work. And I had to get it written down and out before it drove me nuts.

"Luna? Are you in here?" Harry and Hermione walked into the Room of Requirement and found it looking like a corridor Harry had once seen on a tour of Grunning's Drills.

"Over here, sweeties" Luna's voice came back, and Harry and Harry walked down the length of the board room to find her sat in a large glass fronted conference room "Come in"

"What is this place?" Hermione asked, looking around.

"Board room from Grunning's Drills" Harry replied promptly "During one of his few - his very few - nice moments, he took me and Dudley on a tour of his plant, and this is where the Managing Director and the rest o the senior staff meet"

"Dudley and I" Hermione corrected.

"No - it was definitely me and Dudley" Harry grinned "I'm sure I would've remembered if you were there" 

"Hardie-har-har" Hermione rolled her eyes, then looked at Luna "So to what do we owe the pleasure of this summons, Miss Chairman?"

"Have a seat" Luna waved her hand at the two chairs next to her. Harry and Hermione sat down, then turned to face her. 

"Okay - here's the thing" Luna said "It's coming up to the tenth anniversary of 'Lost In Middle Earth'"

"Ten years? Already?" Harry blinked in surprise.

"I know - I hadn't realised either, but there you go" Luna smiled "And while it was a truly ground-breaking piece of fanfiction that won plaudits and applause from all sides of the fandom, it's now ten years later and I think it is long past time for us to produce such another blockbuster that will rock the world as we know it"

"Well - Lost In Hyrule is still in production, but it stalled around eight years ago after The Author got distracted with The Silent Trio saga" Hermione sighed "That was kind of fun - I enjoyed being a fairy" 

"I'm glad someone enjoyed it" Harry rolled his eyes "Being called Fairy-Boy for most of the story was not my idea of fun" Hermione snorted in amusement, while Luna laughed.

"Well - naming issues aside, I don't think Lost In Hyrule is coming back any time soon, not without some major rewrites and plotting" Luna continued "So maybe we have to look for some other ideas" She paused "Do either of you have any ideas?"

"I thought about Lost In A Galaxy Far, Far Away" Hermione said "But I'm not convinced that The Author can do it justice" 

"He can't?" Harry asked "Why?" 

"Well - what with Family Guy, Matt and Robot Chicken, I think that the Star Wars saga is pretty much parodied out" Hermione said with a sigh "There's almost no where to go with jokes or sketches" 

"What about the new trilogy?" Luna asked.

"Pffft!" Hermione snorted in derision "You can't parody something that bad - the films are practically parodies themselves!" 

"But if we cast The Order of The Phoenix as The Jedi Order, then we get to murder all of them at the end of the series!" Luna started bouncing up and down in her seat "Doesn't that sound fun?" Harry and Hermione stared at her with identical looks of disbelief "Okay - maybe not" She leaned back in her chair "The Godfather?"

"Hard to parody a movie about murder, torture, blackmail and gang-warfare" Harry pointed out.

"Johnny Dangerously did it pretty well" Hermione replied.

"Another reason not to do it - if it did it that well, we'd never compete" Harry grinned.

"True" Hermione sighed.

"What about The Hobbit?" Harry asked "If we want a sequel to Lost In Middle Earth, why not the sequel to The Lord of The Rings?"

"Because it's not a buggering sequel!" Hermione yelled at him.

"It came out after it! All the posters said it was the sequel!" Harry yelled back.

"It was written like a million years before Tolkien wrote The Lord of The Rings" Hermione nearly screamed at him "He wrote The Lord of The Rings because people wanted to know more about The Necromancer - even though The Necromancer is not something for kids" 

"Oh - okay then" Harry said in a quiet voice "You should've just said" Hermione stared at him, then calmly throw a cushion at him. 

"So where are we?" Luna asked as Harry flung the cushion back.

"I'm not sure doing the prequel would work either" Hermione turned away from Harry with as much dignity as she could muster "The Author isn't as familiar with it, and it is a little short" She paused "Plus there are literally no girls in it"

"You played Frodo, sweetie" Luna said "And I played Gandalf. I don't think that having a lack of female parts is going to be a problem" She paused "On the other hand, we could branch out - think outside the box"

"How far outside?" Harry looked worried "I mean - are we talking Footloose outside the box or Fifty Shades outside the box?" He realised Hermione was looking kind of interested "Really? That's your thing?"

"Could be fun - and people would never see it coming" She paused "Oh for a different phrasing" Luna and Harry both snorted, making her blush "Plus, if we follow the precedent set by Middle Earth, I'd be Christine and you'd be Andrew Stanley" 

"Oh hell no" Harry shook his head "I got enough of that treatment when I was with the Dursleys" 

"PARDON ME?" Hermione and Luna both exclaimed, and Harry blushed.

"Being hit with belts" He said after a few moments, still slightly pink.

"Oh - phew" Hermione mimed wiping her brow "And Footloose wouldn't work, just like Frozen or Tangled or Into The Woods" They stared at her in confusion "Musicals don't really work on the written page - especially without the music"

"Okay. So no Hobbit, no Fifty Shades, no musicals" Luna said "What about Lost In Hill Valley?" 

"Back To The Future - hmmmm" Hermione smiled "Might work. I play Marty, Harry plays Doc Brown....."

"Aren't I a little young for that?" 

"Glamour spells, my friend!" Hermione grinned, then continued "James and Lily as George and Lorraine, Draco as Biff, Dumbledore as Strickland..... and because of the way the movies work, the roles would cascade through"

"Hold on..... hold on" Harry waved his hand "We can't have Lily playing my mother - not if I'm going to have to kiss her. That's..... that's just beyond creepy"

"What about Ginny?" Luna suggested.

"Might work - but then we'd have to replace James......." He paused "Neville might work. Young, black hair" 

"Wait...... hold on" Hermione raised her hand "There's another author writing a similar story" 

"There is?"

"Yeah" Hermione sighed "I haven't read it yet, but......"

"Yeah" Luna and Harry sighed as well.

"Avengers?" Luna suggested after a moment.

"Harry would make an excellent Iron Man - he flies better than anyone" Hermione nodded, then grinned "And I would look excellent as Black Widow" 

"And I would make a fantastic Nick Fury" Luna smirked.

"Oh - no, you can't do that" Hermione said quickly.

"I played Gandalf. Why can't I play the head of SHIELD?" Luna looked at her curiously.

"Social Justice Warriors" Hermione replied, then - at the look of confusion on Luna's face - continued "You can have black characters playing white roles. It's edgy, it's avant garde. But if you have a white character playing a black role, you are a racist bigot who is trying to whitewash Hollywood" 

"Seriously?" Luna stared at her in disbelief.

"I swear the reviewers and SJWs will rip off your head and spit down your neck" Hermione said simply.

"Well - okay then" Luna sighed "Who does that leave me with? Pepper? Maria? Much like The Hobbit, there aren't a lot of female roles in The MCU"

"You noticed that, huh?" Hermione grinned.

"We could try the Harry Potter movies" Harry suggested "No one would see that coming - especially if Hermione plays me, I play Hermione and Luna plays Dumbledore" The two girls stared at him as if he were an idiot "Never mind" Hermione and Luna grinned at him, then looked at each other.

"Lost In Nakatomi Plaza?"

"Single lead" 

"Lost On Isla Nublar?"

"Could be fun, but do you think anyone will agree to be the obnoxious kids?"

"Lost In The Enchanted Forest?"

"Too long"

"Lost in Lost?"

"Worse idea than the new trilogy" 

"So where does that leave us?" Harry asked. 

"Oooooooooooooooo!" Luna bounced to her feet, then started pacing back and forth.

"I could...... I mean, there's no over-arching wise guy, but if I play..... and you two play.... then I think it will work. We've got three ready made leaders, and three ready made bad guys for the first film...... Yeah - I think that will work" 

"You want to explain, or shall we just guess?" Hermione asked.

"Dumbledore is a sociopath who pretends to be nice and Snape is an evil twat who doesn't care if he is nice or not" She paused, then looked at Harry "Why did you name your kid after them again?" 

"I lost a bet to you and had to give my kid the stupidest name imaginable" Harry replied.

"Oh yeah" She paused "Anyway - McGonagall is just someone who wants an easy life and will automatically defer to the other two" Luna said "Put the three together and you have the trio that lead The Volturi" She paused "And if you add in Ron and Ginny - two people who tend to follow Dumbledore and McGonagall no matter what - you have the witch twins Jane and Alec" 

"Twilight?" Hermione stared at her, then she started to smile "Twilight. I think we could do that"

"Draco, Pansy and Blaise can play James' coven" Luna continued "We'd have to dye Pansy's hair to make her a red-head, but I really think Ginny would suit Jane better" 

"She definitely has the devious sociopath part down" Harry said under his breath.

"We can fill in most of the school roles with our Housemates - Lavender would make an excellent Jessica" He paused "What about The Cullens?"

"Sirius would make a good Emmet, Tonks for Alice. I'd have to think about the other ones" Luna smiled "Remus as the Head of The Pack and some of the Ravenclaws as the rest" 

"So I guess that leaves us for the three main roles?" Harry asked, then realised Luna had a wicked grin on her face "Oh god - why am I suddenly afraid to ask?"

"Hermione gets to play Bella - smart, slightly nerdy and occasionally clumsy" Luna said.

"Thank god for that" Harry sighed in relief "I thought you were going to make me play Bella"

"With your hips? It would never work" Luna smiled "You get to play Jake"

"Long hair! And I get to take my top off! Excellent!" Harry grinned.

"And that leaves me with Edward - pale, slightly eccentric, incredibly sexy. It was that part I was born to play, baby!" Harry and Hermione both applauded "So - what do you think? Can we do Lost In Forkes? And make it a suitable parody of all four stories?"

"I guess we'll find out" Hermione smiled back. 

"Excellent!"

**Author's Note:**

> _Notes_
> 
> I'm not entirely sure if I can do "Lost In Forkes", but I might give it a shot if I get some spare time :)


End file.
